The Pink Invasion

Finn strolled along the waterfront, busying his shaking hands with a tailor-made cigarette. Any onlookers would have noticed how nervous the Irishman was, if it wasn't for his winter clothes, a heavy woollen overcoat and a fedora, mostly covering his expression.

He pulled out a mobile phone for the 12th time and anxiously checked for messages, before sighing and sliding it back into his coat pocket, where it was swapped for a hip flask containing a fine whiskey, great for warming you up on a cold day like this.

"Come on Jack," He muttered to himself, "This is an urgent matter."

And urgent it was, he had been seeing more and more signs around lately that a certain pink pony had remained in this land. He was also remembering just why it was a bad thing for said pink earth pony to be on the loose. He hoped that Jack Knife would show up soon.

Jack flew through the air wearing his combat armor, the the enchanted half-inch plate covered almost his entire body leaving only his tail and wings exposed. Across his back lay his trusty Zweihander, with both he was well prepared for almost any hazardous situation but if Finn's message was true then no amount of armor would help.

Spoiler:

On wings so quite as to make an owl jealous Jack made his way to the meeting point that Finn had requested. A slight drizzle fell along the stretch of land that bordered the harbor, reminding Jack of port city of Staliongrad in the spring, and out in the open stood Finn, nervously smoking a cigarette as he stared out over the water.

Landing with the same stealth as his flight jack trotted up behind Finn in scilence, it occurred to him that he tended to move with more stealth in his heavier armor than he did without it.

"Finn I got your message, and I pray to Celestia and Luna that your wrong."

Finn jumped a little as Jack made his presence known. He nodded a greeting and quickly scanned the surrounding area, making sure he couldn't see any flashes of pink before he spoke.

"I'm glad you came. You're honestly the only pers- pony, that I could think to call for help. I think that certain pink pony is on the loose, and I'm not sure we could handle this alone." He said, taking a long drag from his cigarette afterwards.

He pulled his trenchcoat closer to keep out the chill and motioned for Jack to follow him to a nearby apartment complex. When they arrived, he nodded a greeting to the doorman and led the way up to his room.

Jack followed Finn back to his apartment, catching an unusually small number of glances from passers by, the doorman himself just looked straight past Jack without really seeing him. The sight of a heavily armed and armored pegasus moving through their midst must have been just too much for them to handle so they ignored it, this ability to ignore the blatantly obvious was simply astonishing.

Finn's apartment was small and simply furnished, on the coffee table sat a brown paper envelope. Jack took up a position that allowed him to observe most of room without having to move his head.

"Finn, give me the evidence of the subject's activities and I'll provide as much intel on her as I can."

Finn pulled off his overcoat and hung it by the door before moving towards the coffee table. He bent down and lifted the envelope off the table, checking it's seal was still intact before handing it to Jack.

"Here's all the evidence me' boys could gather. I've got some surveillance footage in the study as well, I really hope y' can help Jack, this seems like a dangerous situation."

With that he went to light another cigarette before realising that Jack was indoors with him and opted for a swig of whiskey instead, being polite for his friend. He looked out the window cautiously, searching for the telltale pink blur, and was relieved that there was no pink in sight.

The file Finn had compiled was very comprehensive for what it was, a collection of second hand reports of sighting the subject and a few stills from what appeared to be CCTV footage of a pony's flank disappearing from view.

"You and your boys have done well, the AOD would 'ave been hard pressed to get this much if she didn't want to be seen." Jack's smile was approving as he seated himself to better brief his ally. "The subject is one of six mares who are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, the most powerful magic artifacts in Equestria that I know of. Specifically she is the bearer of the element of Laughter. The subject seems to posses certain magical abilities that are exclusive to Unicorns and several that are completely un-explainable in a Unicorn let alone an Earth pony."

"She has been observed to infiltrate and ex-filtrate locations via means unknown as the exact moment of her arrival or leaving has never been directly observed, she can attain a land speed comparable to that of a Pegasus in flight as well as a precognitive ability that has so far proven to be one hundred percent accurate. As well as these abilities she has also been observed producing objects from locations that could not have possibly stored or hidden them, consuming several times her own body mass in food and swallowing a cake almost as large as she is whole. There is a department dedicated to studying her at both Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and at the AOD. In my opinion going after her without the support of all four Royal Guard units and a significant portion of the regular EDF would be futile but we have what we have and there no point moaning about what we don't. But she's pretty much harmless while she's sober and can metabolise alcohol at a ridiculous rate so she's really only a danger for the three or so hours after a binge."

After a quick drink of water from his canteen Jack followed Finn to his study, a room that wouldn't look out of place in a uni students dorm. Finn quickly pulled up the video files that he had of the subject. They were all the same, she would appear from just out of frame, take an item, leave behind the required amount of bits and then disappear when she moved out of the camera's field of view. All except the last, it was the same up until the point when she had obtained the item she wanted. On the screen the subject paused then looked directly into the camera before leaping into the air with her mouth open in what was presumably an exaggerated gasp.

"Has that happened any of the times you've played this file before?" Jack asked.
Finn simply shook has head silently as his mind tried , futilely, to rationalize what he had seen.

"She knows we're looking for her then, this could be advantageous as we'll both be at the same location when she throws us a party. Also, for the sake of you sanity don't think to hard about anything she does. Five AOD agents have been lost that way."

Finn tried to handle all of the information that was flowing through his head before deciding that it wasn't worth it and locking it away in the part of his mind that had recently been re-purposed to hold memories pertaining to magical ponies and his life. He closed the laptop they had been viewing the CCTV footage on with a click and checked out the window, all seemed clear.

"Alright Jack, it seems like I'm out of me' element here, but I'm gonna try my best to be of use. What you're saying is, the Pink one has managed to baffle other magical ponies? Some of whom are dedicated to studyin' magic?"

Upon saying this, Finn shook his head and took a slug of whiskey to ease his nervousness. He thought about offering the flask to Jack, but realised that Jack probably had other means of coping with this.

"Okay then, I'll get my boys to-" Finn stopped and his face fell.

He had just remembered where exactly that last recording had been from, and his mind screamed at him to leave the country. Instead, he did what any reasonable Irishman would do and emptied his flask, before moving to his backup flask.

"Jack, you said we only had to endure 3 hours after binge? What... What happens if she drinks..."

He searched for something in a drawer and found what he was looking for, a cheap , well-worn notebook. He opened it and scanned among the well-used pages for a certain entry. Upon finding it he visibly shuddered. He circled the figures and handed the book to Jack.

"That's the book-keeping for a large still operation nearby. There's 728 litres of near-pure alcohol stored there... We haven't had contact with the boys running the operation since we got back from wherever it was we disappeared to last week. Jack, I thought it was a coincidence, but now. W- What happens if she got her hands on all that booze?"

Beneath his helmet Jack's face fell as he considered the implications. "I-I'm not sure, there's only been one recorded incident of her drunk and most of that intel was lost soon after. All I know is that a large island disappeared beneath the ocean. There is some good news though, she'll only drink with friends but just in case I think we should try to evacuate the immediate vicinity. With her, she'll either throw a party for the entire city or she could turn the two of us into cupcakes. The odds are pretty much the same either way."

Finn shuddered at the thought of being turned into a cupcake. He was also surprised that he considered it a possibility. He thought to himself for a second before calling someone on his mobile phone.

"O'Malley? It's Finn. I need you to clear out A5 on the map. I don't care how you do it, I just need it done."

He quickly hung up and turned to Jack.

"O'Malley's a reliable guy, he'll get the place evacuated. Now how do we keep her in one place without too much risk." Another thought came through his head. "What if she brought friends back with her? This could be dangerous..."

As he finished speaking, a large crash could be heard outside. Finn dashed over to the window, tearing the blinds open. What he seen amazed him. there was a massive rainbow streak where the still used to be. There was also some kind of loud music playiing just out of earshot. Finn could also swear he heard giggles. He turned to Jack.

"Jack... We have a problem.."

"That is something of an understatement"

Jack had blinked while Finn was looking out the window. The room was now covered in balloons, streamers, confetti and a banner stretched overhead proudly proclaimed Welcome To Earth Jack Knife and Congratulations on Making New Friends. The coffee table was covered in party food and a cake that was wider than the apartment door covered the dinning table. A set of professional looking turntables was set up on the kitchen bench with leads going to the gargantuan speakers that stood in each corner.

Standing between him an Finn was a bright pink earth pony with cotton candy hair and a cutie mark of three balloons. Pinkie bounced over to Finn and began to speak.
"HiI'mPinkiePieandIthrewthispartyforyouandJackKnifecauseyoutooarethebestoffriendsandiwassogladyoucametoseeme
andbroughtmewithyouwhenyouwenttoseePrincessCelestiabutIdon'trellyremberthatwhatIdoremeberisbeinginabathtubandI
wasalllikeughandJackwaslikeEVACandthenhetakledyouandyouleftandleftaholeinJack'swallandohlookthere'scake." 70% of the cakes mass disappeared down Pinkies throat in a single bite.

Jack's left eye twitched.

Finn's jaw dropped as he looked at the scene before him. He glanced at the window and wondered how much booze would be needed to survive the fall. As he turned around again he realised that the cake was no longer there. He also noticed that the room seemed fuller, and music was playing.

"Jack," He said, trying to be as discreet as possible, "What do we do now?"

He slowly raised his flask to his lips and realised that instead of the flask he had been holding only seconds ago there was now a party hat.

"Well isn't obvious Finn, we PARTY!" Pinke Pie, the unstoppable juggernaut of festivities, smacked the bench with her hoof and catapulted a fresh vinyl record onto the turntables.

A series of haunting chimes blasted out of the speakers as one of Equestria's oldest stories of horror was given life.

Jack's left eye continued to twitch. Facing an entire Griffin fire team by himself Jack could handle. Evicting a full grown Black dragon from Equestria Jack could handle. Princess Celestia in heat Jack could handle. A surprise party hosted by Pinkamena Diane Pie, a walking hazard to the state of one's mind, body and soul; on the other hand was too much for Jack as his higher brain functions shut down to wait out the eldritch chaos that was Pinkie Pie.

Finn slowly backed towards the window as he seen his friend's reaction. He layed a hand on Jack's shoulder and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Jack, we have a window. We could escape if we-" He was cut short as a severe gust of wind blew through the window, filling the room with snow and revealing a startlingly-furious blizzard outside.

"Now now, you weren't thinking of leaving were you?" chimed Pinkie-Pie, shutting the window and standing before the Irishman and the Pegasi with a large smile on her face. Her hair seemed to have become less frizzy as she said those words.

(Sorry for the late reply, things have been pretty hectic for me and I had a nasty case of Writer's Block.)

"Pinkie, I think you broke him." The white furred blond Pegasus nudged Jack and watched as he rocked slowly back and forth. When he stopped he stood at attention, his right hoof hovering above his brow as he saluted his superior officer.

"Maybe you should tone it down a bit."

"Okey dokey, Loki." There was a blur of pink and the room was redecorated in a much more subdued manner. Gone were the mess of streamers and the towering speakers, replaced by a simple banner and a single gramophone wafting modern jazz through the air.

Jack could have been petrified by a cockatrice from all the movement he made while the redecoration was carried out, salute waiting for acknowledgement. The blond mare sighed as she returned his salute, arm creaking as it retuned to the ground and he shuddered as his mind slowly came back online.

"Sergeant, would you mind introducing me to you're friend over there? I saw him with you and Princess Celestia entering her chambers but didn't catch you when the two of you left."

Now that he had orders Jack snapped out of his stupor completely in order to follow them.

"Ma'am. This is Finnian Waters, he is the leader of a local power block."
He waved a hoof in the direction of the other pegasus. "Finn, I would like to introduce you to Squadron leader Surprise of the Wonderbolts."

Surprise saunted over to Finn and eyed him seductively."Its a pleasure to meet you Mister Waters"

Finn composed himself and responded. "Pleasure to meet you lass. I'm Finnan Waters and I run the local crew, The Dancing Irishmen. I take it you're Jack's superior, seeing the way he was acting and all."

If she had been trying to use her seductive tone t invoke a reaction from him, he showed no signs of noticing. He offered her a hand as he introduced himself, wondering how the ponies used their hooves for so many different uses.

"Not exactly. While I do outrank sergeant Knife we aren't part of the same chain of command. He's a Day Guard and I'm a Wonderbolt, they're kinda like a combination of the Blue Angles and the Navy Seals."

She glanced over to where the pink party pony was munching on a choc-chip and chili cupcake.

"I'm sorry about my niece. She means well but can get a bit carried away with her parties. I was just like her when I was younger A wistful sigh escaped Surprise's lips as she thought about a more innocent time.

"Your apology is accepted lass. I know a few people who can get a bit carried away, though... Generally they don't bend the world to facilitate these parties..." Finn looked thoughtful for the slightest moment before continuing. "In any case, it's great to finally meet someone Jack answers to. Well, at least meet them whilst not drunk."

Finn seemed to wake up a little and hurriedly moved to the kitchen, calling out as he made his way there, "Would anypony care for a coffee or tea? I may be Irish, but I learned tea-and-coffee-making from the best of the British."

Jack perked up at the thought of a fresh cuppa. In his old section he'd been responsible for brewing the tea while on op and had made his own special brew, he always had some in his webbing somewhere, a way to hide one's scent was always a good thing to have.

The AOD had actually approached him for the recipe, though SpecWep was probably more interested in the fact that it had a tendency to strip paint and worked as a remarkably good payload in knockout grenades.

Jack hoofed over a small silk pouch of the leaves to Finn along with detailed instructions on how to prepare it. He also asked Surprise and Pinkie if they wanted any. Surprise refused enthusiastically while Pinkie's face took on a green tinge.

Oh well, their loss.


Surprise asked for a cup of Earl grey while Pinkie went with a generic tea blend with two dozen teaspoons of sugar. She had original wanted a cup of coffee but that had been quickly shot down by her aunt, much to the relief of Jack and Finn.

Finn, not knowing the reputation of Jack's special blend gladly took the pouch and made himself a mugfull as well. Afterwards, he prepared the Earl Grey and the generic blend along with the sugar. Afterwards, there were 4 mugs on the bench. 2 Had a dull grey mixture that smelt strongly of earth, floral arrangements, and methylated spirits. One was naught but a mug-full of sugar with a few drops of tea in it. The final mug was an amazing looking Earl Grey on a small plate with a biscuit at the side.

Finn offered the tea to all parties present and took his own mug over to the couch, which somehow managed to allow an adult male human and three magical ponies room to sit.

Jack eagerly removed his helmet as Finn walked back into the lounge room, four mugs in his hands. Finn wasn't joking when he said he had learned from the best, in his first try he had managed to get the brew perfect. The colour and scent of the liquid contained in Jack's mug was just right.

Jack sipped his tea and let the taste roll over him; the kick of lightning, the subtle flavours of the bergumont and vanilla. He split a bit on himself as he set the mug down on the coffee table, his armour smoking slightly as the enchantments against chemical attacks went to work.

Finn eyed Jack's smoking armour cautiously, being extra careful not to let any of the strong-tasting, aromatic blend spill. He set down the mug after a sip and let the flavours go to work. He coughed a little as the rainbow kicked his throat, and was imediately relieved by the smooth vanilla and refreshing citrus of the bergamot.

He leaned back and enjoyed the odd brew, surveying the room. He observed JAck's armour fighting a losing battle against the spilled brew, Surprise sipping her tea politely, and Pinkie dumping the mug full of sugar directly down her throat.

"Now, is there an order of business to discuss? I feel Miss Surprise wouldn't be here if something serious wasn't happening."

"Me? I'm just here to keep an eye on my niece." Surprise said coily.

"Ma'am, with all due respect, that's a load of horseapples."

The two Pegasai met each other's eyes, locking their gazes together before Surprise nodded to her niece, the pink mare a blur of motion as she circled the room before exiting throught the door. A cloud passed over the sun, darkening the room, makeing seem smaller and sucking the colour from the air.

"That's the offical version anyway," From her volumous mane she produced at tightly rolled and sealed scroll. "Those are your orders Sergeant. This is now only between the three of us and the wall. Pinkie and myself have recently come across a threat to all of Equestria. All the details are in your orders.

"This brew is heavenly Finn, I'll have to make time to see you again. The cloud passed and the room returned to normal.

"This has been a very nice. It was a pleasure to meet you Mister Waters, and it was good to see you again Lieutenant. Arivadercie"

Finn nodded courteously and showed Surprise the window. He opened the window and stood next to it, shaking her hoof.

"It was great to meet you lass. I look forward to when next we meet."

As she left he turned to Jack.

"Jack, this seems serious. I don't know how I got mixed up in it, but I'm willing to help in any capacity I may. Shall we read the orders?"

Finn took a seat near Jack and lit a cigar that was procured seemingly from thin air.

Jack unrolled the scroll he had been given, taking note that its seal was not the reproduction of Celestia's cutie mark that she normally used but the stylized silhouette of an alicorn rendered in a trio of geometric shapes. That told Jack just how serious the situation was. The scroll he held if his hooves came not from Princess Celsestia, the benevolent and caring ruler of Equestria but from Chief of the Guard Celestia, the cunning general, expert strategist and tactician, and his ultimate superior officer.

The scroll itself hid an additional pair of scrolls, one addressed to him and a significantly bulkier one for Finn, both sealed with the alicorn's silhouette.

The orders themselves were short and to the point, he was to continue as he was and await further orders. The addendum was that he was to coordinate with one Captain Waters of the Earth division in the securing of a ground-side OP.

Familiarised with his orders Jack hoofed Finn his scroll and opened the one addressed to himself. From the scroll fell a pair of metal slides, one golden the other a dull steel, marked with two parallel bands of blue. Reading over the scroll Jack's face lit up. Taking the steel slide in one hoof he removed a similar one marked with three down pointing chevrons from the temple of his helmet and replaced it with the new one.

Flight Lieutenant Jack Knife would not let down his commanding officer.

Finn casually opened the scroll and jumped a little as a torrent of smaller scrolls spilled out. The first was an acceptance letter from the Equestrian Immigration Office that detailed his approval as an Equestrian citizen, he was surprised to see that he had apparently applied for citizenship sometime in the past few days. Memories of a night clouded with alcohol and magi swirled fondly in his head. He still had to get those pictures off of Jack somehow.

The next scroll had somehow been used as an envelope containing an Equestrian passport and proof of I.D. card. The scroll itself had a watermarked birth certificate detailing him as an Earth Pony. An odd shock to say the least.

Another scroll was an induction letter into the Royal Day Guard, Earth Division. It didn't however have any marks of rank along with it. A detail that made Finn curious. He looked towards Jack with a questioning look on his face.

"Jack, are there any marks of rank for-"

His question was cut off short as he opened the next scroll and a rank slide dropped out. Finn recognised it immediately as being extremely similar to the Australian Defense Force Captain's rank slide. He looked at the scroll which ended up being a letter promoting him straight to captain.

Finn looked at all the letters, noticing a few small envelopes that had fallen to the floor. He began to open the pink one and was shocked by a paper origami of Pinkie's head in full size popping out of the small postal amulet and laughing before slipping back in. Finn inspected the envelope but found only a small slice of cake.

The next envelope was addressed to both Finn and Jack and contained two tickets to the grand galloping Gala, whilst the final envelope was filled with Equestrian Day Guard propaganda.

Finn put the large amount of paperwork onto the coffee table carefully and stepped into the study, opening a wardrobe in there and walking out wearing an old officers longcoat.

"If I'm in the service again, I may as well look the part." He said to no-one in particular, attaching his rank slide and then lighting a cigarette. He then offered Jack a fistbump in stoic celebration.